![]() ![]() If we temporarily shed our narrative identity, we might be able to get back in touch with our authentic selves. This is where we might benefit from losing ourselves for a little bit. The burden of the narrative we construct for ourselves and constantly seek to maintain can obscure what it is that actually moves us, fulfills us, and brings us to life. We get so wrapped up in our identities, in our desire to be accepted by those around us and to live up to our own standards that in the morass of expectations we lose touch with our true nature. Time is tragically finite and it is all too easy to spend all of it on our children, but the less time we spend reaffirming the pieces of our identity with our actions, the more our identities crumble. Our kids become our whole world, we organize every facet of our lives around their happiness and well-being, and that’s beautiful, but it can also distance us from ourselves in a way that is more of a loss than a sacrifice. This may not be terribly surprising considering the responsibilities of a parent. Parents are also especially prone to feeling like they have lost themselves. ![]() In the instance of children caring for their parents, the shifting of roles from child to caregiver can also have an impact on identity (Eifert et al., 2015). Researchers suggest that the role of caregiver can consume the majority of our time, leaving little opportunity to engage in activities or behaviors that may have once been a part of our identity, which ultimately disrupts our sense of self. Informal caregivers are usually family members or friends that help someone with their activities of daily living such as cooking, bathing, dressing, mobility, etc. While many forms of service can create a loss of self, disruptions in the sense of self are a particularly prevalent issue among informal caregivers and parents. that we end up looking to them for identity or, even worse, for self-worth?”įor more on losing yourself in a relationship, check out these videos: Video: Codependency: Do You Lose Yourself in a Relationship? Is it any wonder that, tied up in relying on a partner for compassion, reassurance, sexual excitement, financial partnership, etc. “As almost all of our communal institutions give way to a heightened sense of individualism, we look more frequently to our partner to provide the emotional and physical resources that a village or community used to provide. Renowned psychotherapist, Esther Perel, argues that the well-intentioned desire to be everything for someone is also a risk to an independent identity (Perel, 2022): For example, making sacrifices and compromises to accommodate your partner is theoretically an admirable act of love and commitment, but we can easily lose ourselves if we don’t know when to stop. In fact, this process can be catalyzed entirely by good intentions. Losing yourself in a relationship isn’t necessarily a reflection of an unhealthy relationship. In other words, we lose ourselves when we allow someone else to determine who we are (even when that someone else is someone we love very much). When you lose yourself in a relationship, often it’s because the contribution your role in the relationship makes to your identity is disproportionate to the contribution of all the other things that make you who you are. Embedded in a social role are the standards, meanings, and expectations associated with it, which ultimately contribute to identity construction (Eifert et al., 2015). Causes of Losing Yourselfīeing part of an intimate relationship is accompanied by the assumption of a social role such as companion, partner, or spouse. This leaves us feeling distant or disconnected from ourselves-like we’re losing ourselves. ![]() When we lose one of our pillars of self we’re left with a void in our identity and buckling of the structure that mediated our interactions with the world. Taking a high-level approach to understanding the term, ‘self’ can be used to refer to two experiential themes : (1) Our bodily self that is the center of our first-hand experience of the world, and (2) our narrative self that weaves together our history, experiences, interests, social roles, relationships, values, and aspirations into a fluid but coherent identity (Milliere, 2017).Įach of these elements around which our identities are organized provides a set of behavioral standards and expectations, a sort of framework that helps shape our actions and perceptions (Eifert et al., 2015). The self is a cryptic term that we use to refer to multiple facets of our existence as a human. ![]() Before we can get into what it means to lose yourself, we need to clarify what we mean by ‘yourself’. ![]()
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